i just google imaged poop.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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