you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
