Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
