mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
