You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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