whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
