Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
