Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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