I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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