I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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