I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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