and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
