Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
