doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
