so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
this is an emotional support booty call
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
