Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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