Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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