Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
