you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
