when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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