seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize