Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
