I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
