wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
