Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
