shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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