yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
