Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
