How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
