wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
