everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
