somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
