my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
