I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
