I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
