Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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