The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
