so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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