I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
