We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
