last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
