For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
