Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize