Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
should my penis look like a turkey
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
