would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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