my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
