ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
