I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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