the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
