I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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