omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
