Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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