I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
