I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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