Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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