I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
