I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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