If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
