I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
