dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just pee around me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
