the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
one two three fourrrrnication!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
