i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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