An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
