My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
