he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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