How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
