So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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