Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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