I love black thongs
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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