Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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