I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
