My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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