I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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