He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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