If i come over, it means nothing
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
