Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Your cock deserves a montage
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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