yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
