CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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