I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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