he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize