yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
