just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
