i wish my penis had a tongue
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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