We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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