my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
