i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
