Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
