All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
