I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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