honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
