i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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