You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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