Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize