I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
