i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
