one might say we're banned from that church
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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