you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
