Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
