I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
